Donald Trump Will Win
Donald Trump is going to secure another Presidential term. Put the house on it.
Here’s why.
Curiosity.
It kills the cat, and on this occasion, Joe Biden’s political career.
Simple as that. For the great apathetic electorate, Donald represents something a bit different.
Yes, that inner voice might tell you that he’s not a very nice man. He’s an awful president and a terrible role model. All true and valid reasons not to vote for team Donald.
But another, more compelling inner voice will tell you that actually, he is interesting. He does weird shit all the time. It’s the same voice that talks you into that fourth shot of Sambuca.
You look forward to checking the news to see what his latest faux pas is, and you enjoy complaining about him to your peers. You follow him on Twitter just to keep an eye on those crazy Tweets he fires off.
Here are five of his greatest hits:
Covfefe. An instant classic that baffled the world for days. This one speaks for itself. Was it the nuclear codes? Was he pissed? Or did he just mean coverage? We will never know.
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=covfefe
Thighland. Enjoyed this one. Referring, of course, to Thailand in South East Asia, our Donald instead invoked a land of beautiful hamstrings and femurs.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dKXEq58iO4
Yo, Semite. A particular favourite, this one. Pronouncing Yosemite National Park (Yo-Sem-It-E) like he was addressing a Jewish Lads Convention.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwcploTZbKA
Bowling Green Massacre. This was a funny one. Bowling Green is a place in mid-west America, a quiet little town. Allegations of a massacre having occurred there prompted spirited denials from its inhabitants — they even rolled out their oldest citizen to front the denials. A charming old man, he literally was forced to say “We’ve never had a massacre here” on live CNBC — wearing an air of real bafflement.
Lil Pimp. Hot off the press, this one, having occurred today. Trump had enlisted rapper, Lil Pump, to assist at this campaign rallies — only to totally bitch slap him by referring to him as Lil *Pimp. Mr Pump looked visibly furious.
So, there we have it then. To vote Joe Biden is to lose these hilarious gaffes from our daily digest. It would be really disappointing, as Joe Biden looks like a really safe pair of hands to me — the type of guy who irons his boxer shorts. A real straight-laced guy.
There are, of course, genuinely interested political voters who will vote with their hearts. They aren’t happy with Trump embarrassing them on the International stage — or being racist or misogynist or dodging taxes or inciting violence. He really has got a charge sheet longer than a giraffe’s neck.
So they will do the right thing, and vote for Uncle Joe.
I’ll wager, however, that there just aren’t enough people who actually care.
The rest? They make up the great majority of disillusioned voters. Guys and girls who understand that political machinations rarely have any trickle-down effect upon their daily lives.
The same guys and girls whose lives are brightened by The Donald’s rampant insanity.
Donald manages to lift them away from their daily grind and often gives them a voice — it’s nice to blame the foreigners, isn’t it?
And that’s why Donald will spend another four years in the White House.
Without him, life is a little bit grey.
Me? Well, my opinion is irrelevant as I don’t have a vote — but I’ll make you read it anyhow:
I’ll be gutted if Joe wins. I have a lot of respect for Mr. Biden and respect his political agenda — but he’s a bit boring isn’t he? You won’t catch him erroneously announcing the Great Tsunami of Tampa or bedding a porn star.
I really don’t like Donald. He’s an awful man and he cheats at golf — but I do enjoy reading his mental tweets, and that swings it for me.
